Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
