Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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