she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to fling myself into the sun
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
