you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
