yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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