Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
