my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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