im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
