Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
