Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
