I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
