My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
