Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
