You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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