3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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