I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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