Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
