So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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