but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish they made helmets for livers.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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