I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
