i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
