I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
