Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ok first of all what the fuck
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
