At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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