So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
