I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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