Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
