I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
