As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
