I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
