how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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