i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
