i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
