no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
