he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
