Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
