I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
