hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
