sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
