You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
