It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
