I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
