There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
