i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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