what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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