Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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