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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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