Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
there is glitter all over my balls
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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