whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
