Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
