oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
