people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
