he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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