You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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