this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's the barista slut.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
