Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
